Hide and Seek

I have been blessed to have met some amazing people this past year. I have found a job I absolutely adore and with that job, I have also found individuals who have helped promote my self-confidence to a level that it has not been at in years.

In one my conversations with a co-worker turned BFF, it was brought up in some way that I often wear shirts that are way too big for me. She encouraged that I shouldn’t hide myself because I’ve been working so hard at my goals I should be showing myself off. It was after that conversation I tried and failed to remember when I began this habit. It has now come to the point where I have a closet full of shirts that are three to four, even five times bigger than my size requires.

There is something about a big lumpy sweatshirt that helps me feel safe. It’s almost as if I feel as though that behind these sweatshirts and oversized tees that the parts of me that cause my greatest insecurities feel less significant… like people won’t notice my size if I’m drowning in layers of fabric.

Today, for the first time in forever, I ordered a new sweater that is sized to match my true size and I’m excited and a little bit nervous to try it on.

I have spent the past week at home resting and recovering from a non weight loss related surgery that I might find the courage to write about in the near future. My daily routine has flipped upside down and I have found myself falling back into some old habits. However, in buying that sweater, I have rekindled my fire of motivation to continue seeking to improve my physical and mental health. I’m ready to keep on going and I’m even more ready to stop hiding. 🙂

New Year… Same Plans

For as long as I can remember, my New Year’s resolution has always had something to do with losing weight or weight loss. I have wanted to lose weight for longer than I have actually needed to. Every year I make the same resolution, the same plan, and every year by about this time, I find myself giving up due to lack of results. A few days before New Year’s Eve I found myself asking myself why it never seems to happen for me.

There’s something about making plans that has brought great stress to my life in the past few years. The thing about plan making I find to be the most difficult is that so much of my perceived notions of being successful revolve around my ability to follow through with a plan. From my early teens onward I would focus on making a resolution to become skinnier. I had a picture in my head of what I desired to look like but I never seemed to be able to focus on the steps it would take to get there. I have always held a deep desire for instant gratification, a quick fix. This has led me to impulsive buys, abandoned activities when I felt I “wasn’t good at it”, and complete disappointment and feelings of being a failure. It has taken me a few years short of a quarter of a decade to realize that some things in life do not come as quickly as you would like them to. 

This year, 2019 is going to be the year I take my time. While I still hold the goal of wanting to lose weight this year, my plan of attack is to spend time enjoying every day that I am working towards my goals. Furthermore, I made a point to make goals that had absolutely nothing to do with my physical appearance. For a complete list of my New Years Resolutions stay tuned but for now, take a moment today to stop and think about what it is you would like to accomplish this year. We’re not even two weeks in you still have time! And remember to focus on the excitement of the entire journey ahead not just the desired results! 🙂